Dad Fail: Hooch Fun Gone Wrong
Ugh. My first “blog” post as Dad In The Life definitely needs to be about the kayaking outing that still gives me nightmares, because I almost lost both of my toddlers. It’s not my proudest dad moment, but it’s a good story to start.
The location was the Chattahoochee River in Atlanta, Georgia (“The Hooch”). It was summer. It was the maiden voyage of our new inflatable two-in-one Bote stand up paddle board meets kayak. My kids were 2 and 4 and the river was high from recent rain.
We put on the river at a friend’s house who’s home is on the water and I’ll never forget his comment: “dude, it’s better when the water is up ‘cause you don’t have to worry about navigating all the shallow rocks.” Hmm.
I’ll admit, I had a voice talking to me asking if this was a good idea. I had not floated this stretch of water by myself in a very long time nor had I used this kayak before. My 2 tiny passengers had zero experience on a kayak or floating any sort of water. I started feeling a little self-doubt, but the confirmation of my friend gave me enough confidence to push through the doubts. With all the excitement in the air, I didn’t want to pull out now.
The last comment my friend said, a father of 4 himself, was “hey, we usually pull out onto the creek right before the takeout so that we don't have to walk as far with the kayak. With the kids, this is a life-saver.”
“Sweet tip.” “He’s a dad.” “I think I know that pullout.” “Good plan.”...I thought.
With the camaraderie and encouragement from friends, I pushed through, we pushed off, and away we went.
It was all smiles. The kids were pumped, and though I felt some anxiety from the high water, we were making good progress floating along. There were not a ton of people Shooting The Hooch, as you would typically see, which gave me some pause, but as we floated along my mission was scanning for the creek that lay ahead.
“There it is.”
I started to navigate towards it. As this massive river forks off into a smaller creek, the water picked up steam.
As soon as I entered the mouth of this creek, a massive submerged boulder propped up the front of our kayak and we were stuck. Meanwhile, the river was bearing down on us from behind, and it pushed the back end of the kayak to the side. Now the kayak was wedged on the rock and we were perpendicular to the strong current. Not good.
At this point I was officially terrified but trying to simply solve the problem. My mind was racing, and I noticed about 50 yards ahead in this creek, there was a massive tree (or “strainer”) on the creek’s right. The last thing I wanted to do was slide off the rock and push into that strainer. That would be terrible and only make the situation worse.
I had my paddle on the downstream side of the kayak, holding us in place because I could reach the bottom. I tried to gently slide off the rock so that the bow went downstream versus us going backwards. When I was finally able to slide off, it became clear that the kids body weight was the only thing keeping us in balance.
When the boat re-equalized, over the side they went upstream. I watched this happen and no sooner than I see them go airborne do I jump off and basically land on top of them.
Thank God I was able to get a foot on the river floor. Thank God I managed to grab the LIFE SAVING handles on top of their ACTUAL life jackets (not simply “floaties”).
With one hand still holding the kayak. I somehow managed to throw them back into the boat and with all my might, I managed to push the kayak across the current and towards the shore.
I’ve never been so happy to be on land. I’ve never felt so low. Embarrassed. Sick to my stomach. Irresponsible. Thankful.
I didn’t really know where we were but I put them on my shoulders and we just started walking. We reached the parking lot after a mile walk where my wife and infant were waiting with the car. Needless to say recapping the story for her also was an epic low.
Dad Lessons:
1) Should I have listened to my inner voice? In this case, absolutely. I 100% should have gone alone to get a feel for everything. I also should never have put my toddlers at risk when I had any sort of fear something might go ary.
2) Life Jackets. I could not be more thankful that my kids were in real life jackets that properly fit and were properly worn. I have nightmares of seeing the kids in that rushing river. If they didn’t have those handles, things could have been way worse. Please use real life jackets. I have more to learn here about various designs and US Coast Guard requirements, but I think the strap that goes through the legs and the top handle are critical features for kids. Here are some examples:
Life Jackets aka Personal Flotation Devices (aka PFDs)
The US Coast Guard sets PFD standards and classifications by performance level. All PFDs must be evaluated and tested by a Coast Guard recognized Laboratory.
There are 3 main classifications, or “Types”: Type I, Type II and Type III. My kids were wearing Type II and Type III US Coast Guard rated life jackets.
We have had many redeeming memories with our kayak since the maiden voyage, and I appreciate the strength and depths of the water in a new way that I never had before.
So, I’ll leave you with this question. What’s your biggest Dad Fail?